Man Of Steel Is A Great Film, But There's One Thing That Jeffed Me Right Off

Yes, finally I saw it. Man Of Steel. In fully realised High Definition...on a fuzzy white TV, in our bedroom, with my wife who, as ever, was the voice of logic and reason in what is a massive fantasy film. 

I'm a huge Superman fan, and I've been waiting for a real Superman film since Superman II. The technology to show such a story was here in 2006, but instead of utilizing that technology to show a real Superman story, Bryan Singer decided to do exactly what had been done before. Superman Returns has it's merits. The plane scene.....okay that's it. But Brandon Routh was good, and it wasn't his fault that he was directed to follow exactly in Christopher Reeve's footsteps rather than take his own path. Kate Bosworth was about as convincing a Lois Lane as Rachel Bilson is a medical professional in Hart Of Dixie. (Yes I watch it. It's the wife, okay, not me. The wife. Honest!) But the story was the real let down. Superman Returns is at best a very expensive, wasted opportunity. And proof that a relaunch of a beloved character is actually warranted. 

I've read several reviews and articles and opinions on Man Of Steel over the last few months, taking them all with a pinch of salt. I refused to be wavered until I'd seen it for myself, and you know what? I LOVED it! Everyone else seemed to get annoyed at so many things in this film, but for me there was just one, gapingly massive problem with the film.

It was NOT Zach Snyder being director. I kinda like his work. I mean sure, 300 sucked balls. Lets be honest, without all the speed-ramping on that thing the film would've lasted 23 minutes and let me leave with at least an hour of my life back. But Watchmen was cool. Yes the ending was different to the comic book things change, but it made sense. I thought. 

It was NOT casting Englishman Henry Cavill in the main role. I mean the last Batman was Welsh for Jeff's sake!

"Tripod? No, just get me some drunk dude to hold this thing. That would be awesome!" - Zack Snyder

It was NOT the fact that despite that despite a reputed budget of $225 million Snyder couldn't get his camera team a decent Jeffin' tripod. I'm just guessing but I think the dude had been watching one too many classic episodes of NYPD Blue.

It was NOT that Clark didn't save Pa Kent (Kevin "Can I Show My Bum On Screen" Costner) from a freak tornado. That made sense in the scope of the story. His adoptive father didn't want Clark to expose his powers and put himself at risk, no matter the cost. People will doubtless argue that Clark can move really really really really REALLY FAST, but he was still learning his powers. 

It was NOT that Clark's biological father Jor-El (Russell "Can I Use A Phone To Hit That Person" Crowe) made his wife Lara (some woman who couldn't act. Sorry, she couldn't,) go through their planets first natural birth in centuries and NOT include her consciousness in the space craft. I mean sure, what a dick! But as we were always told, this is a story about fathers and sons. 

It was NOT that Superman was directly or indirectly responsible for the millions of dollars worth of damage to Metropolis and Smallville, and the multiple deaths of the people there. The dude did his best against a tag team of alien whoop-ass. Yes, he could've done the job when he was on the Phantom Zone prison ship, but then, well, that would've made a rubbish ending. And it's not like all conquering military trained aliens are just going to come down to Earth, throw a bus and blow some people down a street now is it!? They're going to want to conquer!

"Um...you think someone's going to make a joke about where your right arm is?"

It was NOT: that, at the end of the film, Lois Lane knows that Clark Kent is Superman. To be honest I actually like that. Now there's no need for the whole annoying Clark/Superman/Lois love triangle thing that has been such a crutch for previous Superman stories. It's just Clark and Lois. Remember Lois knew him (briefly) as Clark before everything kicked off. It's cleaner.

And it was NOT: that Superman broke Zod's neck. That made total sense. Zod's gone all Agent Smith from the Matrix on you, and declared either you die or he does. He's gonna kill humans right in front of you. There's no stopping him. *SNAP*. To be honest, I was down with the idea after Zod et'al beat up the dudes adoptive mum. And remember, he's still learning what it is to be Superman. No, in previous stories he's never killed, but here his hand was forced. Everything that happens in this film turns him in to the Superman we all know and love. And it'll be interesting to see if they use that grief in the future films. 

So now we meet the crux of this article. The one ad only thing in this film that had me so Jeffed off I...I...I can't put it in to words!

So anyway, Clark Kent. A dude who, before he became the whole Saviour Of The World thing, was a fisherman, a barman, a dude who managed to work for the US Government by forging paperwork, and who has demonstrated no where in the entire film that he has any writing credentials or experience of any kind, or has any desire to work in such an environment, lands a job as a reporter at one of the most famous newspapers on the planet??

"Why can't I write anything without fake glasses!"

NO! NO NO NO!!! 

What happened? Did Clark ask Lois to give him a reference? (#DoubleEntendreOfTheDay) If they'd shown Clark had written something, anything during the film clueing us in to his ability as any kind of writer, I'd have bought it. This one mistake has made me rage for the last day, although not as loud as I did after I'd seen TDKR, a film which I refuse to name in full for fear of a relapse. 

Man Of Steel is a brilliant Superman film, and worthy of keeping of keeping the character going. I'm dubious as to how he'll face off against Batfleck. I personally think it's too soon to bring The Dark Knight back in to the fold when there's clear scope for another good solo outing for Superman. But heh, I'm not in charge of Warner Bros. sat there panicking at how well Marvel are doing with their film universe and desperate to cash in on the superhero genre.

Right, all vented now. I'm spent! Think yourself lucky I haven't written my thoughts on the Vince Vaughan/Owen Wilson "comedy" The Internship. I mean seriously, who thought that film was a good idea? How did Google's value on the stock market not go through the floor?

And more importantly, who keeps giving Vince Vaughan chance to make films? 

Hunting For The Incarnations Of My Brain Babies

Hello. I'm back. And on the day a certain former leader of the UK was laid to rest. Not that that has any baring on what I did today, but just to put this post in some kind of historical context. Like I remember where I was when Mandela got released (round at my Nan's eating her home made cakes), Today, we hunted in earnest for actors to portray the characters I've had in my head for the last 10 years. Today was "M.A Day". Not Malformed Artichoke Day, as my brain first thought, but Main Audition Day.

The Day Begins

We'd only auditioned In-House up til now at work. We really landed on our feet with finding Scott Latty and John Cunningham. They get their parts, they jelled so well together, and they knocked their recent film stint so far out the park, I felt like we'd struck gold! This was different: we'd cast our net out on...well, the net, using StarNow and CastingCallPro. We'd had to whittle down over 50 applicants to a shortlist. And today was when we got to see those people.

You have to remember that everyone who'd come out came on the firm understanding there was no pay involved. Yes there were some cancellations, as I'd been told by colleagues on the team who'd actually done this before would happen. But those who came really impressed us all with their professionalism, openness and overall attitude towards the project. I'll be honest it's only now, after being through a genuine audition process, that this now feels like a real TV project.

The Lord Jeffer Almighty Stephen Paul Blanchard and
Duly Appointed King Jeffer Esteemed Director Richard Reay TM

As you know this basic idea is over a decade old now, and in all that time I've only ever come slightly close to seeing my characters come to life. The last time it was one character who doesn't even feature in the pilot. I've always hoped that I would see the day when my babies came to life but for one reason or another never truly believed it would happen. Now, through the support of my wife, meeting people like Esteemed Director Richard Reay TM and Scott "Thin White Latte" Latty, I found myself starting to see it. The actors that we met today have cemented that belief. We can actually do this. And you know what, we bloody well will.

Anyhoo, it was an awesomely good day. I'm still juddering from the multiple Joygasms throughout the day. You're probably, just like me, counting down the days until we announce who we have cast in the remaining roles. Your patience will be rewarded! In the meantime you'll more than likely be seeing some Behind The Scenes footage in the coming weeks, and the results of filming our comrades John and Latty. One thing I can leave you with is a side project Richard and myself are interested in pursuing, once again involving the delectable Scott. He can be a wave of inspiration, and today was no different as he stood out the front of our audition venue looking like...a Hobo. Thus I give you, for you viewing pleasure, the opening sequence of "The Latty-est Hobo".

Scott Latty, we salute you you Jeffer!

Butchering The Mind-Child

Yeah, I'm back. Sat here furious at "delivery" company UPS losing an order I placed for Mothers Day ages ago. Felt a rant coming on so I figured I'd come to this thing and keep y'all up to date on doing's with Expose'. 

In some respects it could feel like we've sat still for a while. We've had almost a week since the actors were told they've been short-listed for the pilot, so a whole load of scheduling is going on to figure out when to get them to come over. It's all really boring behind the scenes stuff. (Unless you include the creation of a new phrase - "Turd Fairy" - and yes it will be in the script!) What is interesting though, and what I wanted to concentrate on in this post, is having spoken with our Esteemed Director Richard Reay we've agreed some re-writes are needed on Episode One of the show. A re-write? On my awesomely perfect script? How very dare he!!

In all honesty I already knew. You'd be amazed at the amounts of re-writes I had to do for my first book "Getting Sync'd" (available now in all good book shops and for digital download - #PIMPED! Oh come off, you can't blame me for that! Some Jeffer on eBay is trying to shift copies for £35. (Yeah, good look with that by the way!) Get it on Kindle at the mo it's 77p! That's a saving of £34.23. Not just an awesome read but also good maths!) and even now there's things I would change. With Expose' it's different, at least in this incarnation it is. Richard is a clever guy, and gets where the show is coming from. He's not trying to make it something it's not, and that makes the re-writing an honest joy and not giving me the feeling like I'm butchering my beloved mind-child!

It wasn't the case with the previous incarnation "MidKnight Rising". Yes the script had to be expanded to make a full length feature, and with that I was lucky enough to have a good friend Nick Johnstone fill in a lot of the blanks. The script, as you would expect, was sheer bloody awesomeness. BUT we seemed to be fighting an up-hill struggle in terms of translating that script to the screen. The producer and director saw something different to what myself and Nick, and in all honesty the rest of the hired team saw. Where we saw drama/action/fantasy/comedy, they saw "Carry On Superhero". It was painful, agonising to watch these people pull apart the very premise of the film and reassemble it in to something even Frankenstein's monster would look at and say "you are really dicking around with nature now"! They wanted to make it a straight-forward comedy, and that's not what this is at all. Yes it's funny. in parts, but that's more down to how the characters react to the situations they find themselves in. It's also emotional, dramatic, action-packed, scary!  Them trying to make it something it wasn't was a surefire sign that I was working with the wrong people, and in hindsight I should have got out there and then. It wasn't their fault, they were going with their vision for the project. It just...wasn't the right vision!

With what we're doing now, it's a lot clearer. I'm able to work with people who get the concept. So when Richard says "re-write" I know it's coming from a good reason. It's not even that big a deal, more just "structural changes". Thing is what I've done in the last few days has merely increased the awesomeness, and I never thought that was possible. What was originally a 60 page script and should ideally be around 45 is now 63. Now that ain't good maths yo! So a severe amount of literary blood will be split (unless we decide to do a "Twilight: Breaking Dawn"...and by that I mean tell the story over two halves, not make a series of God awful films from a book you wouldn't use as toilet paper 'cos you'd wipe more on than you'd take off!) to try and get this right. I know it won't be perfect, not like it is in my head. In my head the show's already been seen by a billion people and I'm shooting the follow-up. In my head everything is as seen on the paper, every angle is right, every actor perfectly cast, every location perfectly lit. In my head. In the real world I know that won't happen. The characters will look different to what I have in mind because there more than likely isn't an actor that looks like the one in my head. There'll be restrictions on locations, time. Money. Did I mention money? No one's getting a penny for this pilot! There's no budget. We're doing this with nothing, so my mind will have to let quite a few things go. And who knows, maybe we'll see something even more awesome than what's on the page. 

I mean that's doubtful, cos I wrote the damn thing, but still Maybe... 

In the meantime we've got more rehearsals coming up on Monday with our two cast actors, and by the end of this month we'll be auditioning the rest of the cast (and there's a lot of Potentials there). 

Keep watching peeps. Things are heating up!

Blowing Up The Pigeon Hole - Moving In To TV Land.

So, I mean, like, Bloody hell how long has it been since I did this blog thing? Well it's half a year since the over-inflated suck fest of TDKR, so that long. Damn, a lot can happen in half a year. And has!

If you have a look back over previous posts you'll see at one point I involved in writing a film called "MidKnight Rising" (which, ironically, has Nolan-esq under-tones, and sucked just as much. Or more!) Well now that little brain-child of mine has grown up, mutated, and is getting ready to slap you repeatedly in the face. With a trout, for some reason. Not only have I written a script for a TV Pilot/Preview/Trailer type thing (It’s a new genre’!), but, in a shock turn of events that makes even my own eyes brows raise skyward, we're making the bloody thing!

Look - it's a script!!

You already know about my attempt to get it made as a film, and how that turned out. Well ever since I’ve been pitching it to people as a TV show, and all the time I would get the same response: “We like it, but…”. 6 months ago I pitched it to the commissioning team at Sky TV. Result: they “loved” it…..”but”. Another smelly, hairy “but” staring me in the face. They couldn’t “pigeon-hole” it, which isn’t a sexual act (as far as I know!). Basically they couldn’t classify it – was it a comedy? Was it a drama? My answer was “neither and both”, which probably didn’t help. Anyway, once again the answer was “no”.

So this time, instead of just sitting around thinking “why do I bother?” I thought “stuff it!” (Or words to that effect!). “I’ll make it myself”. I mean when you ignore the “but” (which is now a mantra of mine – “Ignore The But!”) and concentrate on the whole “we love it” bit, which I’ve heard loads over the last few years, then there’s clearly something good here. Great even! So I asked around to see if anyone else would be interested in getting involved. I quickly found a guy at work called Richard Reay who also happens to be a director with the same outlook on the project as myself. (He co-directed a zombie short film called "Z-Word" with another talented dude called Garry Douglass. Its bloody awesome!) I found musicians, trained TV technicians, actors, designers… Talent. You’ll be amazed how much there is if you ask around.

Left to right: Actor John Cunningham, Director Richard Reay, Actor Scott Latty

So now there’s this rag-tag bunch of people at my place of work who are making this Pilot/Preview/Trailer type thing that I wrote. Everyone working on something, away from their jobs, to make the best damn Pilot/Preview/Trailer type thing imaginable, with no money, no budget…Proper gorilla team.

We start filming some footage in the next few weeks. We've cast two of our main actors, and literally just now we've finished going through hundreds of actors CV's, show reels and photo's to come u with a short list of potentials we want to audition. Meetings are being held, music is being made, designs drawn, rehearsals organised. We’re aiming to get a 10/15 minute Pilot/Preview/Trailer type thing finished by the end of the year, hopefully with a big “Premiere” event right here in Newcastle which will be raising money for an as yet undecided charity. You can follow our progress on Twitter and on Facebook. Or you can just come back here for more. I'm sure I'll be back to rant soon enough. 

Me. Talking guff. After drinking too much coffee!
That bloke on the end, his surname's Latty.
Which sounds like Latte'. I did not drink him. 

#TISBIE