Man Of Steel Is A Great Film, But There's One Thing That Jeffed Me Right Off

Yes, finally I saw it. Man Of Steel. In fully realised High Definition...on a fuzzy white TV, in our bedroom, with my wife who, as ever, was the voice of logic and reason in what is a massive fantasy film. 

I'm a huge Superman fan, and I've been waiting for a real Superman film since Superman II. The technology to show such a story was here in 2006, but instead of utilizing that technology to show a real Superman story, Bryan Singer decided to do exactly what had been done before. Superman Returns has it's merits. The plane scene.....okay that's it. But Brandon Routh was good, and it wasn't his fault that he was directed to follow exactly in Christopher Reeve's footsteps rather than take his own path. Kate Bosworth was about as convincing a Lois Lane as Rachel Bilson is a medical professional in Hart Of Dixie. (Yes I watch it. It's the wife, okay, not me. The wife. Honest!) But the story was the real let down. Superman Returns is at best a very expensive, wasted opportunity. And proof that a relaunch of a beloved character is actually warranted. 

I've read several reviews and articles and opinions on Man Of Steel over the last few months, taking them all with a pinch of salt. I refused to be wavered until I'd seen it for myself, and you know what? I LOVED it! Everyone else seemed to get annoyed at so many things in this film, but for me there was just one, gapingly massive problem with the film.

It was NOT Zach Snyder being director. I kinda like his work. I mean sure, 300 sucked balls. Lets be honest, without all the speed-ramping on that thing the film would've lasted 23 minutes and let me leave with at least an hour of my life back. But Watchmen was cool. Yes the ending was different to the comic book things change, but it made sense. I thought. 

It was NOT casting Englishman Henry Cavill in the main role. I mean the last Batman was Welsh for Jeff's sake!

"Tripod? No, just get me some drunk dude to hold this thing. That would be awesome!" - Zack Snyder

It was NOT the fact that despite that despite a reputed budget of $225 million Snyder couldn't get his camera team a decent Jeffin' tripod. I'm just guessing but I think the dude had been watching one too many classic episodes of NYPD Blue.

It was NOT that Clark didn't save Pa Kent (Kevin "Can I Show My Bum On Screen" Costner) from a freak tornado. That made sense in the scope of the story. His adoptive father didn't want Clark to expose his powers and put himself at risk, no matter the cost. People will doubtless argue that Clark can move really really really really REALLY FAST, but he was still learning his powers. 

It was NOT that Clark's biological father Jor-El (Russell "Can I Use A Phone To Hit That Person" Crowe) made his wife Lara (some woman who couldn't act. Sorry, she couldn't,) go through their planets first natural birth in centuries and NOT include her consciousness in the space craft. I mean sure, what a dick! But as we were always told, this is a story about fathers and sons. 

It was NOT that Superman was directly or indirectly responsible for the millions of dollars worth of damage to Metropolis and Smallville, and the multiple deaths of the people there. The dude did his best against a tag team of alien whoop-ass. Yes, he could've done the job when he was on the Phantom Zone prison ship, but then, well, that would've made a rubbish ending. And it's not like all conquering military trained aliens are just going to come down to Earth, throw a bus and blow some people down a street now is it!? They're going to want to conquer!

"Um...you think someone's going to make a joke about where your right arm is?"

It was NOT: that, at the end of the film, Lois Lane knows that Clark Kent is Superman. To be honest I actually like that. Now there's no need for the whole annoying Clark/Superman/Lois love triangle thing that has been such a crutch for previous Superman stories. It's just Clark and Lois. Remember Lois knew him (briefly) as Clark before everything kicked off. It's cleaner.

And it was NOT: that Superman broke Zod's neck. That made total sense. Zod's gone all Agent Smith from the Matrix on you, and declared either you die or he does. He's gonna kill humans right in front of you. There's no stopping him. *SNAP*. To be honest, I was down with the idea after Zod et'al beat up the dudes adoptive mum. And remember, he's still learning what it is to be Superman. No, in previous stories he's never killed, but here his hand was forced. Everything that happens in this film turns him in to the Superman we all know and love. And it'll be interesting to see if they use that grief in the future films. 

So now we meet the crux of this article. The one ad only thing in this film that had me so Jeffed off I...I...I can't put it in to words!

So anyway, Clark Kent. A dude who, before he became the whole Saviour Of The World thing, was a fisherman, a barman, a dude who managed to work for the US Government by forging paperwork, and who has demonstrated no where in the entire film that he has any writing credentials or experience of any kind, or has any desire to work in such an environment, lands a job as a reporter at one of the most famous newspapers on the planet??

"Why can't I write anything without fake glasses!"

NO! NO NO NO!!! 

What happened? Did Clark ask Lois to give him a reference? (#DoubleEntendreOfTheDay) If they'd shown Clark had written something, anything during the film clueing us in to his ability as any kind of writer, I'd have bought it. This one mistake has made me rage for the last day, although not as loud as I did after I'd seen TDKR, a film which I refuse to name in full for fear of a relapse. 

Man Of Steel is a brilliant Superman film, and worthy of keeping of keeping the character going. I'm dubious as to how he'll face off against Batfleck. I personally think it's too soon to bring The Dark Knight back in to the fold when there's clear scope for another good solo outing for Superman. But heh, I'm not in charge of Warner Bros. sat there panicking at how well Marvel are doing with their film universe and desperate to cash in on the superhero genre.

Right, all vented now. I'm spent! Think yourself lucky I haven't written my thoughts on the Vince Vaughan/Owen Wilson "comedy" The Internship. I mean seriously, who thought that film was a good idea? How did Google's value on the stock market not go through the floor?

And more importantly, who keeps giving Vince Vaughan chance to make films? 

Hunting For The Incarnations Of My Brain Babies

Hello. I'm back. And on the day a certain former leader of the UK was laid to rest. Not that that has any baring on what I did today, but just to put this post in some kind of historical context. Like I remember where I was when Mandela got released (round at my Nan's eating her home made cakes), Today, we hunted in earnest for actors to portray the characters I've had in my head for the last 10 years. Today was "M.A Day". Not Malformed Artichoke Day, as my brain first thought, but Main Audition Day.

The Day Begins

We'd only auditioned In-House up til now at work. We really landed on our feet with finding Scott Latty and John Cunningham. They get their parts, they jelled so well together, and they knocked their recent film stint so far out the park, I felt like we'd struck gold! This was different: we'd cast our net out on...well, the net, using StarNow and CastingCallPro. We'd had to whittle down over 50 applicants to a shortlist. And today was when we got to see those people.

You have to remember that everyone who'd come out came on the firm understanding there was no pay involved. Yes there were some cancellations, as I'd been told by colleagues on the team who'd actually done this before would happen. But those who came really impressed us all with their professionalism, openness and overall attitude towards the project. I'll be honest it's only now, after being through a genuine audition process, that this now feels like a real TV project.

The Lord Jeffer Almighty Stephen Paul Blanchard and
Duly Appointed King Jeffer Esteemed Director Richard Reay TM

As you know this basic idea is over a decade old now, and in all that time I've only ever come slightly close to seeing my characters come to life. The last time it was one character who doesn't even feature in the pilot. I've always hoped that I would see the day when my babies came to life but for one reason or another never truly believed it would happen. Now, through the support of my wife, meeting people like Esteemed Director Richard Reay TM and Scott "Thin White Latte" Latty, I found myself starting to see it. The actors that we met today have cemented that belief. We can actually do this. And you know what, we bloody well will.

Anyhoo, it was an awesomely good day. I'm still juddering from the multiple Joygasms throughout the day. You're probably, just like me, counting down the days until we announce who we have cast in the remaining roles. Your patience will be rewarded! In the meantime you'll more than likely be seeing some Behind The Scenes footage in the coming weeks, and the results of filming our comrades John and Latty. One thing I can leave you with is a side project Richard and myself are interested in pursuing, once again involving the delectable Scott. He can be a wave of inspiration, and today was no different as he stood out the front of our audition venue looking like...a Hobo. Thus I give you, for you viewing pleasure, the opening sequence of "The Latty-est Hobo".

Scott Latty, we salute you you Jeffer!

Butchering The Mind-Child

Yeah, I'm back. Sat here furious at "delivery" company UPS losing an order I placed for Mothers Day ages ago. Felt a rant coming on so I figured I'd come to this thing and keep y'all up to date on doing's with Expose'. 

In some respects it could feel like we've sat still for a while. We've had almost a week since the actors were told they've been short-listed for the pilot, so a whole load of scheduling is going on to figure out when to get them to come over. It's all really boring behind the scenes stuff. (Unless you include the creation of a new phrase - "Turd Fairy" - and yes it will be in the script!) What is interesting though, and what I wanted to concentrate on in this post, is having spoken with our Esteemed Director Richard Reay we've agreed some re-writes are needed on Episode One of the show. A re-write? On my awesomely perfect script? How very dare he!!

In all honesty I already knew. You'd be amazed at the amounts of re-writes I had to do for my first book "Getting Sync'd" (available now in all good book shops and for digital download - #PIMPED! Oh come off, you can't blame me for that! Some Jeffer on eBay is trying to shift copies for £35. (Yeah, good look with that by the way!) Get it on Kindle at the mo it's 77p! That's a saving of £34.23. Not just an awesome read but also good maths!) and even now there's things I would change. With Expose' it's different, at least in this incarnation it is. Richard is a clever guy, and gets where the show is coming from. He's not trying to make it something it's not, and that makes the re-writing an honest joy and not giving me the feeling like I'm butchering my beloved mind-child!

It wasn't the case with the previous incarnation "MidKnight Rising". Yes the script had to be expanded to make a full length feature, and with that I was lucky enough to have a good friend Nick Johnstone fill in a lot of the blanks. The script, as you would expect, was sheer bloody awesomeness. BUT we seemed to be fighting an up-hill struggle in terms of translating that script to the screen. The producer and director saw something different to what myself and Nick, and in all honesty the rest of the hired team saw. Where we saw drama/action/fantasy/comedy, they saw "Carry On Superhero". It was painful, agonising to watch these people pull apart the very premise of the film and reassemble it in to something even Frankenstein's monster would look at and say "you are really dicking around with nature now"! They wanted to make it a straight-forward comedy, and that's not what this is at all. Yes it's funny. in parts, but that's more down to how the characters react to the situations they find themselves in. It's also emotional, dramatic, action-packed, scary!  Them trying to make it something it wasn't was a surefire sign that I was working with the wrong people, and in hindsight I should have got out there and then. It wasn't their fault, they were going with their vision for the project. It just...wasn't the right vision!

With what we're doing now, it's a lot clearer. I'm able to work with people who get the concept. So when Richard says "re-write" I know it's coming from a good reason. It's not even that big a deal, more just "structural changes". Thing is what I've done in the last few days has merely increased the awesomeness, and I never thought that was possible. What was originally a 60 page script and should ideally be around 45 is now 63. Now that ain't good maths yo! So a severe amount of literary blood will be split (unless we decide to do a "Twilight: Breaking Dawn"...and by that I mean tell the story over two halves, not make a series of God awful films from a book you wouldn't use as toilet paper 'cos you'd wipe more on than you'd take off!) to try and get this right. I know it won't be perfect, not like it is in my head. In my head the show's already been seen by a billion people and I'm shooting the follow-up. In my head everything is as seen on the paper, every angle is right, every actor perfectly cast, every location perfectly lit. In my head. In the real world I know that won't happen. The characters will look different to what I have in mind because there more than likely isn't an actor that looks like the one in my head. There'll be restrictions on locations, time. Money. Did I mention money? No one's getting a penny for this pilot! There's no budget. We're doing this with nothing, so my mind will have to let quite a few things go. And who knows, maybe we'll see something even more awesome than what's on the page. 

I mean that's doubtful, cos I wrote the damn thing, but still Maybe... 

In the meantime we've got more rehearsals coming up on Monday with our two cast actors, and by the end of this month we'll be auditioning the rest of the cast (and there's a lot of Potentials there). 

Keep watching peeps. Things are heating up!

Blowing Up The Pigeon Hole - Moving In To TV Land.

So, I mean, like, Bloody hell how long has it been since I did this blog thing? Well it's half a year since the over-inflated suck fest of TDKR, so that long. Damn, a lot can happen in half a year. And has!

If you have a look back over previous posts you'll see at one point I involved in writing a film called "MidKnight Rising" (which, ironically, has Nolan-esq under-tones, and sucked just as much. Or more!) Well now that little brain-child of mine has grown up, mutated, and is getting ready to slap you repeatedly in the face. With a trout, for some reason. Not only have I written a script for a TV Pilot/Preview/Trailer type thing (It’s a new genre’!), but, in a shock turn of events that makes even my own eyes brows raise skyward, we're making the bloody thing!

Look - it's a script!!

You already know about my attempt to get it made as a film, and how that turned out. Well ever since I’ve been pitching it to people as a TV show, and all the time I would get the same response: “We like it, but…”. 6 months ago I pitched it to the commissioning team at Sky TV. Result: they “loved” it…..”but”. Another smelly, hairy “but” staring me in the face. They couldn’t “pigeon-hole” it, which isn’t a sexual act (as far as I know!). Basically they couldn’t classify it – was it a comedy? Was it a drama? My answer was “neither and both”, which probably didn’t help. Anyway, once again the answer was “no”.

So this time, instead of just sitting around thinking “why do I bother?” I thought “stuff it!” (Or words to that effect!). “I’ll make it myself”. I mean when you ignore the “but” (which is now a mantra of mine – “Ignore The But!”) and concentrate on the whole “we love it” bit, which I’ve heard loads over the last few years, then there’s clearly something good here. Great even! So I asked around to see if anyone else would be interested in getting involved. I quickly found a guy at work called Richard Reay who also happens to be a director with the same outlook on the project as myself. (He co-directed a zombie short film called "Z-Word" with another talented dude called Garry Douglass. Its bloody awesome!) I found musicians, trained TV technicians, actors, designers… Talent. You’ll be amazed how much there is if you ask around.

Left to right: Actor John Cunningham, Director Richard Reay, Actor Scott Latty

So now there’s this rag-tag bunch of people at my place of work who are making this Pilot/Preview/Trailer type thing that I wrote. Everyone working on something, away from their jobs, to make the best damn Pilot/Preview/Trailer type thing imaginable, with no money, no budget…Proper gorilla team.

We start filming some footage in the next few weeks. We've cast two of our main actors, and literally just now we've finished going through hundreds of actors CV's, show reels and photo's to come u with a short list of potentials we want to audition. Meetings are being held, music is being made, designs drawn, rehearsals organised. We’re aiming to get a 10/15 minute Pilot/Preview/Trailer type thing finished by the end of the year, hopefully with a big “Premiere” event right here in Newcastle which will be raising money for an as yet undecided charity. You can follow our progress on Twitter and on Facebook. Or you can just come back here for more. I'm sure I'll be back to rant soon enough. 

Me. Talking guff. After drinking too much coffee!
That bloke on the end, his surname's Latty.
Which sounds like Latte'. I did not drink him. 

#TISBIE

"Steve Reviews The Dark Knight Rises", or, "TDKR = Return Of The Jedi", or "Gotham Police Are Ewoks"

So, for the first time in probably two years, yesterday we went to the cinema. Not my suggestion – the wife’s. Even more amazing, she booked us tickets to go watch The Dark Knight Rises. My wife, the honorary geek. (Credentials later cemented as we watched the film and she saw “that guy who died in Torchwood”, and to a less geeky extent the main prowler guy from Queer As Folk). Yes, the last film in Christopher Nolan’s Batman Trilogy was here. To say I was excited is an understatement. Those of you who follow me on Twitter or Facebook will have seen the regular appearance of #Batgasm. I was excited, but I was being realistic. There was no way they could top its predecessor The Dark Knight. It couldn’t be done. With this frame of mind I felt I wouldn’t be disappointed with the end result, and if they did pull a miracle out the bag it would be all the sweeter. Imagine my surprise when I came out three hours later, answering my wife’s question of “did you enjoy it?” with the answer “I’m not sure”.

Before I get in to this let me say I’m a huge Batman fan, and maybe that’s the problem. Being a fan of these characters, no matter how hard you try to be realistic, you can’t help but have certain expectations. My wife came out and said she loved it! Let me also say that I’m a huge fan of what Nolan has done with Batman. I love Batman Begins. It almost gets swept aside by people saying “yeah well it’s just the origin story, yawn”. Thing is the origin story had never been told on film before. Yes we’d seen hints at Bruce Wayne’s parents getting killed and understood that was the reason for Batman’s existence, but up until this point he was just some rich orphan dude who’d taken a few martial arts lessons and liked running around with gadgets and a cape. We hadn’t seen the real tragedy of Bruce Wayne, the thought that he wanted vengeance for his parents at any cost and was considering murdering his parent’s killer. The years of training, suffering and sacrifice. This was a Batman story.

Everyone knows how good The Dark Knight was, so there's no debate there. The end of that film left an intriguing set up for a potential follow-up – Batman in exile, hunted by the police for crimes he took responsibility for but never actually commited. A lie to protect his less than fair city. Eight years later and the lie is intact but soon to be broken, requiring the return of The Batman. Sounds like a corker doesn't it?  The thing is, as you watch The Dark Knight Rises it doesn’t feel like a Batman film. It’s a film about a city being terrorised by some nutter.Batman is just a piece on the chessboard, and not even the King.

I know I'm coming across really negatively here, but there are things that work. Christian Bale as Bruce Wayne: brilliant as always. He doesn’t really play Batman in this film; rather Bruce Wayne dressed up in the suit. He doesn’t become the animal that we saw in the first and second films. He gets close at the end, but then…..nope, SPOILERS!

Tom Hardy as Bane:  one scary-as-hell mofo (even if he does sound like a cross between Darth Vader and a Smurf) who would kick your ass in three seconds and fire up a barbecue in the next two.

Anne Hathaway as Catwoman: m’eh. I mean I get why she was there, and despite what people say she was a key part of the plot. And I’m pretty sure all the pubescent boys were sat there thinking that for the first time they’d much rather be the Batpod than Batman, and thus leading to many double entendres around the word "Rise"! But be honest, she wasn’t as good as Michelle Pfeiffer. (There’s probably a reason I think this which I will explain soon!)

I love Gary Oldman as Commissioner  Gordon – perfect casting. With Gordon we get to see that Bruce Wayne wasn’t the only one that suffered in the aftermath of the events in the previous film. Riddled with guilt, wife and son gone, and yet he rises above all the chaos.

Alfred Pennyworth was always Bruce Wayne’s grounding - his conscience, the emotional centre of the Batman films. Michael Caine is barely on the screen for more than five minutes, but the emotion he put across in that time is simply heartbreaking.

Morgan Freeman serves his purpose as the Q style Lucius Fox, Marion Cotillard is effective but wasted in her role. And finally Joseph Gordon Levitt is an interesting addition, particularly when you consider what could happen after the last frame of the film.

The story. You know what, I liked the story. Batman comes out of retirement to stop Gotham going to hell. Brilliant. The concept and all of its branches – Bane, League of Shadows, Bruce Wayne going broke etc. – sounds epic and worthy enough of a conclusion to the Batman story that Nolan et’al claimed they wanted to tell. The problem is the translation and execution of the story felt rushed. There were bits where I couldn’t help but think “they could have done so much more with it”. Hathaway’s Selina Kyle is just one example, here’s another. Bruce Wayne bones Maria Cottilards character Miranda Tate, hinting at him having the chance of a normal life which Alfred is so desperate for him to have. But they bone, and that’s it. You don’t get to see any real emotional connection between the two. (Interesting side-note; in the comics Bruce Wayne is technically married to her. There’s a cue for Gods sake!) If this had been done the last few minutes of the film would have had much more of an impact on the characters and the audience. These are just a couple of examples – all hints but nothing more. They gave you the impression that there was so much more to tell about these characters but never followed through. This happened so much in fact that I couldn’t help but think we were watching a kind of Readers Digest version of the film. There was a big story to tell here, with lots of characters and despite the two and three-quarter hour running time it didn’t feel enough. I wanted to see more. This, along with many aspects of the film was a missed opportunity. This final chapter could have been done over two films. We could have had The Dark Knight Falls, where Bane breaks the Bat and chaos in Gotham ensues, and then The Dark Knight Rises, where Bats gets fixed up and returns to save the day. I mean if they can do it for the last two Twi-shite films, why not for Batman??

 

The visual flare of the previous two Bat-films also seemed lacking. Two examples for this: firstly the Breaking Of The Bat. For comic fans this is some serious shit – Bane is the one guy who can take the Batman out. Make no mistake, Bane does break the Bat in the film, but it’s just…m’eh. There’s no gravitas to the shot. I mean we see Bruce Wayne suffer for a little and then before you know it his back his fixed, he does a few press ups and sit ups and then he’s Batman again? No!

Another example: Bats returns to Gotham for another face-off with Bane. He’s announced his return by lighting a fire on a bridge in the shape of a Bat – a makeshift Bat-signal if you will, reminding Bane and his crew it’s not their town. Eventually we come to the rematch, and here was the opportunity for Batman to swoop in from the sky, one last grand entrance. No. Instead he walks in through a bit of smoke, exchanges some (frankly awful) dialogue with Bane, and they go at it. I guess it backs up my thought that it wasn’t ‘Batman’ fighting Bane, it was Bruce Wayne dressed as Batman. But you know what, I wanted him to give the people of Gotham that one last hurrah, reminding them of the awe and majesty of The Batman -  as if to say “Oi bitches, this is my town!”.

I could go on and on. Ultimately TDKR isn’t a bad film. No it’s not as good as The Dark Knight. It’s not as good as Batman Begins either, and thank Jeff it’s not Batman & Robin!. As I came out of the cinema I realised what it was – Return Of The Jedi. Whether that was because the hoards of Gotham police going to war in the final act reminded me of Ewoks, or that Liam Neeson Ra’s Al Ghul appeared to Bruce Wayne in a Force ghost type hallucination, or that, like I said, the execution of the story was nowhere near its potential. Or maybe like I said, my expectations were too high. At the end of the day TDKR ties the Trilogy of in a nice neat bow, while not leaving the people of Gotham unprotected still managing to give Bruce Wayne the happy ending he deserved. It’s just a shame the film-makers didn’t give the same grace to the audience

Christopher Nolan is an Oscar worthy director, but certainly not off the back of this film. He and his team have been in Gotham for 10 years and have finally moved out, and in watching their final instalment you can’t help but think they couldn’t wait to pack up their stuff and get the hell out of there. I’m not saying they didn’t care, they just didn’t care enough.

Verdict: The Dark Knight Rises, but never soars as high as it's two predecesors.

Open Letter To Cameron: NHS Killer

OK, it's been a while since my last post from way back when. The infamous post where I ranted and raved about Tom Cruise going essentially nuts. (OK, I say "infamous" - maybe "un-famous", but hey, it's in the top ten Google searches...when you search for Stephen Paul Blanchard - which incidentally also gives details on how to by my first book "Getting Sync'd" - and pimped!) Hey Tom, good to see you back on an even keel! M:I-4 looks awesome by the way! Now I'm not suggesting my rant and rave changed what was going on with dear ol' Tom, and I don't expect my next rant to do any different, but I need to do this - and it shall be done in the following way.....

Dear Mr. David Cameron PM,

I have a question: exactly how old are you? I have to ask because your recent behaviour is more characteristic of a spoiled seven year old boy not wanting to do what the other kids in the playground have unanimously suggested, instead deciding to cover your ears with your grubby hands singing "la la la" at the top of your voice. I am of course referring to your ridiculous decision to hold discussions on the future of the NHS without the presence of any health-care professionals. To quote the hip modern day phrase: WTF? Why would you not consult organisations like the Royal College of Nursing, or the British Medical Association? These organisations are made up of professionals in the health care industry, people who have spent their lives in the very organisation you seem determined to destroy.

You're not a doctor Mr. Cameron, neither is your Health Secretary. I mean, is Mister Lansley still pissed at being mis-diagnosed with an ear infection which turned out to be a "minor stroke", and so trying to get his own back? Yes, the NHS makes mistakes. No organisation is perfect. You being the head of this coalition "Government" (for want of a better word) should know this. But do you know how important the NHS is to people? This service saved my wife, they took care of my daughter, they're currently looking after my uncle, and you know what? Considering the conditions that these people work in and the lack of respect they receive (almost demonising the doctors and nurses) they do an AMAZING job. The amount of people I speak to who belittle the health service until they actually use it, by which point deciding it's a brilliant service, is frankly amazing.

I have friends who are doctors and nurses. Close family. My wife is nearing the end of her GP training. All of these people do this job, not for the apparent power/long holidays/golfing trips/high pay (all of which, by the way, are complete misconceptions!) - they do it because they want to help. They spent years studying and honing their craft, knowing that one day their skills would be able to save people. The hardest thing in the world for them is having to give the bad news to relatives, but they carry on, because they have to. These people know exactly what they're talking about and what is needed to keep the NHS on an even keel, so again I ask: WTF? The only thing I find more confusing is the fact that "Hollyoaks" is still being made!

You are fortunate to have this job Mr. Cameron, in more ways than one. Remember that it was hardly the landslide victory I'm sure you'd wanted. The people didn't want you as PM, but we as voters had to work with what we were given. Like you and your cabinet; you have to work with the situations as they were left by their predecessors, and the NHS is struggling to do the same, so why are you not doing everything you can to help? Your sheer arrogance in not giving health organisations the opportunity to give their valued and experienced opinions, instead turning to your friends and cronies who care more about the money then the health of the very people you claim to be serving, makes you the political equivalent of an ostrich sticking your head in the sand. Just remember the more you leave your head down there the greater chance there is of you getting your rear end blown off by a shotgun.

Regards

Stephen Blanchard

OK, I don't expect that to solve anything. I'm no politician, and I sure as hell ain't a doctor. I see a needle and faint. It's just the sheer audacity of this pompous, arrogant little jizz-weasel has me absolutely fuming. Please pass this on if you agree. I'm hoping over time this cannibalisation of the NHS will fade in to obscurity like the "Big (Idiot) Society".

This is kinda funny, check it!

In other news, BUY MY BOOK!!!

About Getting Sync'd by Stephen Blanchard-fReado

About Getting Sync'd by Stephen Blanchard-fReado

Probably the best advertising campaign in the world??

I've been noticing this for a year or so now, Michael Jackson is getting a lot more attention and for all the right reasons - namely his music. Cast your minds back to the days when child molestation charges hung over him like a giant curry inspired fart - it felt like it was never going to go away. And because of the backlash, naturally mainstream audiences started switching off his tunes. Michael Jackson - the biggest superstar this world had ever known.

But now, he's getting played a lot more, especially his old stuff - stuff from Off The Wall and Thriller especially. On the radio, in practically every shop I go in to. And when I look around people are tapping their feet and miming to the words. It's brilliant.....namely 'cos I'm doing exactly the same!

So you look on the net and everyone's being inspired by the MJ. You remember the impact on Bollywood right?



And then there's the Philipino Prisoners...



These had been around for a while. But then in the Sun this week I saw this:



And with the latest from Rihanna...



...MJ is all over the place. Why?? Well, I suddenly realised it's the 25th Anniversary of the "Thiller" album, and sure enough it's being re-released, with some re-worked tracks from modern day artists like Will.I.Am, Neyo and Akon.

It can't be a coincidence, I know for a fact that there's a youtube competition going on for people to film their own re-enactments of Thriller which I'm assuming is going to be here. So that explain the tube thing! And that Rihanna tune did the same thing that Craig Davids "Hot Stuff" did - it made me t least appreciate the singer...although that's clearly always down to the sample. After all, we all know that Vanilla Ice's "Ice Ice Baby" only sold the disks because of that Queen bassline.....sorry, but it's true!

It's a brilliant ad campaign, and it's a great time to be a fan of the man, knowing he's working and singing again, and seeing people concentrating on his talent rather than his private life. I just really hope things don't go south again!

PS. If you wanna hear some of the re-worked stuff head over to the new Michael Jackson MySpace!!

More on Ledger...

Possible sleeping pill overdose, inconclusive corroners report. Thoughts and feelings as you'd expect with the friends and family. Well, mostly...

I'm hearin' ya, it's STOOOOOOOOPID!! Would you like to know more? Check out the new podcast HERE!!

Heath Ledger's gone...

This is truly gutting!! I don't think anyone could have seen this one coming. He seemed a really down to earth guy, and a highly commited actor.

Found this on the BBC...kind of spooky when he says playing the Joker was the most fun he'd ever have.....



He leaves behind a 3 year old daughter. Hope she's gonna be ok!

I'm the reason they say White People Have No Rhythm...

Great night out in London on Saturday night, at a place called the Rivoli Ballroom for, would you believe it, Jive Dancing! That's right, The Blanch went Strictly Come Dancing Style with a group of friends and came out in one piece...other people's feet weren't so lucky mind! I always thought I had a good sense of rhythm, I play guitar, I...tap away on the steering wheel.....I - and I never thought I'd admit to this but doubtless there's some youtube footage somewhere - used to try and dance like Jacko. (Hey, don't judge me, I was young!!) Imagine my embarrasment then when the music started for the first lesson and anything even resembling hand/feet/eye co-ordination was systematically wiped out...by the Dormant Dad Gene! You've seen it at work before; at family weddings, parties or when the patriarch of the family has been cooking Christmas dinner fuelled only by wine or whisky! But here it was, alive and kicking - literally - during the lessons with completely random women, and later with my darling missus who next to me must have looked like J Lo's dance coreographer!

But I don't care what people think, and my embarasment threshold is higher than many, so I kept busting some moves. Fortunately/unfortunately (depending on your POV) there is no photographic/video evidence us tearing up the dance floor. The best example I can give you, is Chandler from Friends!!



Booya!!!

It's a top night out though, and well worth a trip to the Londonium! Check it out: http://www.jiveparty.com/

So you're in a car accident. Who would you rather see: Tom Cruise, or a paramedic?!

Respect to Tom Cruise! I say it again, RESPECT! The dudes got beliefs, he sticks to them, he follows them.....religiously. By all accounts he's a pretty lucky guy (not just because he's a multi-millionaire actor with teeth built by a Roman road designer!), not everyone can say that about themselves. Most people I know treat their beliefs more the The Pirate Code. You know; more of a guideline than a rule! The unlucky one's are those that don't believe in anything, and so they wander around aimlessly trying to give their life meaning. Or, if they're really unlucky, they bump in to someone who tries to force their beliefs on to them!

I like Tom Cruise. I think he's an amazing actor, very intense. Born On The 4th July is a classic example of that, and I can't wait to see his new film Valkyrie (Dir: Bryan Singer). BUT, like a lot of people I suspect, I don't appreciate the Scientology hard sell. It's right up there with double glazing phone calls and people in the street asking you if you have a minute of your time to spend to write down your debit card details. Now I know this latest episode in the Bring Down Cruise campaign is a leaked video, not supposed to be viewed by anyone outside the Scientology community, but did they really think it would stay hidden? It's the same rule applied to celebrity sex tapes; if you don't want it to be seen don't make it! That said, maybe this is some kind of elaborate plan to get the word out and bring as much attension to it as possible, in which case the celebrity sex tape rule applies again. Look what it did for Paris Hilton!!!

(Don't be surprised if this gets taken off!!)

Tom, I respect your beliefs, I do. But please don't make random claims about being able to help people in car crashes, gun shot victims or anything like that. I've seen car crashes. I with someone who works in operating theatres on people who have come in on the verge of death from serious accidents, and while you could say that belief/luck/whatever you want to call it played a part in the patients future, it was sheer hard work by trained medical professionals that this person needed, and wanted.

.....I think someone should introduce Mr. Cruise to Britney Spears! Now THAT would be a headline!!!

JUSTICE!!!!!

HAAAAAAA HA HA HAAAAAA, yes! Late last year (man that sounds weird!) I had to make a complaint to Hoseasons about a particular trip to Wales that left both the missus and myself feeling less like we'd been on a relaxing holiday and more like on a work placement to Mars without any oxygen tanks (see Total Recall with Arnie if you want an idea!!)! Well I complained naturally (see previous posts) and low and behold I've just recieved a check covering the cost of the nights we didn't stay and some vouchers for any holiday we want to book through them in the future. I thought it was a really nice, professional gesture from them and I would recommed the company to anyone. Just don't go to Wales...

Making money and stupid people!

With the silly season over and done with, I was sat around thinking "Jee Wiz Albert..." (Albert is my pet bird glove puppet!!!......??) "I sure did get a whole load of silly stuff for Christmas!" Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE silly stuff. I got a Homer Simpson mug that talks when you pick it up and put it down. I got a TARDIS phone alert thing (it makes TARDIS noises every time your phone rings or you ring somone - yeah ok, it's starting to grate now!!) I got a Kermit the frog mug...so lots of mugs then! So there was them, and then there's the other silly things - the kind of silly things where you look at them and think "wowzers, whoever bought me this is really silly"!! So I went to the trusty Amazon, and I started selling things like "The 500 Facts You Didn't Know About Animals" book (silly!), the Complete Superman DVD Collection (very silly! It's not even complete, and doesn't have the Richard Donner cut of Supes 2!), the "Things To Inspire You On The Toilet" book (.....um.....)! What's even scarier is, people are buying them!! True they're also buying other DVD's and books and stuff which are cool but I don't want anymore. Still, people are buying my shit.....and for those FBI stalker types out there, no "shit" does not mean drugs, guns or any other illegal stuff!!!

And then in the front of my building there's a sign in the guest parking bays: "Authorised people only - Unauthorised People will be clamped!" Now, given that I live here I'd say I'm authorised. But no, I get home one afternoon having parked Charlie (the car.....WOWzers I'm sillt!!) in one of the guest bays informing me that the Car Park Comittee is deeply pissed off - I'm paraphrasing - with people using the guest spaces. It's taking up all the.....spaces. Tennents are only allowed to park there for 4 hours at a time, tennants caught parking there for long or any un-authorised cars will be clamped. Now I'm all for spaces being reserved for tennants and guests - no non-tennant rif raff thanks very much - but clamping people who live there and their guests. Surely that's a bit counter-productive??? If you clamp a vehicle it can't be moved, so the space is still taken up anyway! They should get tow-trucks in, have the offenders get their transport taken away! Yeah, I speak da trooth boyyee!!! Although if you're part of this comittee, don't you dare touch Charlie. He BITES!!!

This is a Christmas rant!!!

It seems to feel less and less like Christmas every year. As usual the shop decorations have been up since Easter (ok, slight exageration!) and every place you go to there's the subtle tones of duch ditties as Band Aids "Feed The World" ("Do They Know It's Christmas?" Well, no they don't do they!) and still we're not feeling the spirit. Even an attempt by the mussus to force us to go get a tree and decorations became a chore akin to scrubbing off the mold forming on the bathroom walls. This year it seems destined to be a total blowout, with the folks buggering off to Switzerland over the festive season and the missus working.....yeah, she's a doctor right. Granted, first year so you kinda expect her to be working on the day. But the notion of the NHS Powers That Be going through the Xmas staff list with a screening process of "you're Indian/Asian, so you obviously don't celebrate Christmas so you're working!" seems just a tad unfair to me. Anyway, like I said, total blowout predicted. The only thing look set to salvage the day itself is The Doctor.



Now what's the world coming to when peoples Christmases aren't based around the potential joy of sharing fun times with their loved ones, rather anticipating the further adventures of the Last Of The Time Lords as he once again lands in Cardiff??? Don't get me wrong, love the show. No really, went to the Cardiff Doctor Who museum. If that's not fanboy enough for ya.....! It's just, there seems to be nothing behind Christmas anymore. Most people I know are at least Agnostic so it seems obviously contradictory to be going round claiming to be celebrating the birth of the founder of Christianity. I certainly won't be spending half as much money as last year (which wasn't a lot anyway!) but that's mainly because of the whole "no job at the moment" thing.

Oh yeah, speaking of which I signed up on radiotalent.co.uk. Check me out!!!

That's it, annual Christmas rant over. Now the thing I hate about New Year is.....

Oh good God yes!!!

OK, lets get this very important bit out the way: BATS IS ON THE WAY BACK BABY!!

Simply can't wait for this, Christian Bale is the best Bats EVER (beside Kevin Conroy (guy who voiced Batman Animated Series!)) and I wouldn't be surprised if by the end of THE DARK KNIGHT people will be going "sorry, Jack who?" Heath Ledger looks to have nailed it peeps!!

Now, went back up to the home town of Towcester over the last couple of days, and decided to make a quick pitstop in Milton Keynes (after getting lost proving once again that my reputed Traffic & Travel Powers are non-existant!) and met up with the guys from HORIZON RADIO. Nothing's changed, so it was a lot like going back in time. For the last couple of months I was there I really found it hard, I guess just wanting to get out to my "pastures new" which at that point was known as Bournemouth. Sat there yesterday with old colleagues I kinda wished I hadn't left, and found myself wanting to go back and work there.....I won't. You know the rule, never go back!!

So still waiting on job news. I got a letter through today confirming my suspiscions that I'm not getting the job in Gloucester. A blessing to tell you the truth. It's so far away! I'm waiting on news from Oxford's Fox FM (GCAP again!!), and generally open to any options thrown my way. Man, talk about a bad time of year for all this BS!! Still, my Christmas tree ROCKS!!!

"A T-Shirt, an interview, the book, and the disaster that was The 3 Year Anniversary Holiday!" - 11th December 2007

So yes, gone are the heady days at 2CR FM in Bournemouth, and a few of us celebrated/commiserated (depending on your POV!) with a few drinkies in 1812 (TOP cocktail bar!) Wasn’t expecting it but I got a couple of prezzies from my old work colleagues, including a bottle of bubbly and the BEST t-shirt EVER!!!

It’s one of a kind, and will be the first item of clothing warn at a new job…..good link! Yes, had an interview at Severn Sound in Gloucester yesterday. When I finally found the place in the maze that is the shopping centre (my own fault, I didn’t see the signs. And I used to do traffic & travel…..) I met with station controller Marcus Langreiter and did a couple of question and answer sessions. He seems like a decent chap, classic radio geek which boads well! The week before I, like everyone else up for the job had to send in some examples of work based on a station brief. Apparently mine were the “most imaginative” according to Marcus, which should stand me in good stead. Have a listen for yourself and see what you think, you can hear 3 Breakfast Show ID's HERE, HERE and HERE, and an ad for a new bands thing called Uploaded HERE.

I think the only thing that lets me down is my lack of technical experience, but as far as I’m concerned you can teach experience but not creativity; something that I sensed Marcus agreed with. Doesn’t mean that I’ve got it by any means, but I remain hopeful as always.
And then there was the holiday. 3 years the missus and I have been together, so we thought we’d celebrate this milestone by going to Wales! Let me explain, the very first holiday we went on was to Wales; lovely hotel, romantic scenery, nice hosts. That was perfect. And combine that with a holiday we had in Yorkshire last year staying in a log cabin (Faweather Grange), again another perfect holiday…..we looked set for a perfect anniversary. How wrong we were.
To give you an idea here's excerpts from the letter I've ended up sending to Hoseasons, the same company that we used for Faweather Grange:

"Following my lengthy conversations with you earlier in the week, I am writing to tell you of our disappointment at our recent visit to Woodland Lodges in St. Clears. We stayed in the Wren Lodge Plus which we had been told included a four poster bed and hot tub. Having stayed with Hoseasons lodges previously, we had high expectations. Upon arrival the lodge itself reeked of cigarette smoke, not ideal as both of us are non smokers and my girlfriend has asthma. The smoke was in the furniture, curtains, carpets, as well as the towels and dressing gowns. Our “four poster bed” was constructed poorly, with the poles actually slanting off. The mattress was so thin we could feel the springs resulting in bad backs in the morning. You will also see in the photos included that parts of the bed are falling off. To their credit, when I informed the lodge owners of this problem they did come to repair the frame, however tweaking a few screws and laying an extra cover on the mattress did not fix the problem. I also found that their attitude towards us (expecting us to help them change the mattress sheets and put the covers on) and making comments such as; “you look like the kind of people who should get some more fresh air” extremely rude and unprofessional. They also said that it looked “externally alright” admitting that they never actually check the beds when guests leave. It seems unfortunate that they have to make improvements to their furniture when guests are in residence, taking up important holiday time which customers we’re paying for.

The hot tub was also a disgrace. The filter appeared to not have been fitted properly. You will see in the photos, the blue plastic cylinder and white disk that forms part of the filter system floating in the water. Due to this we found the bubbles formed when the jets turned on just brought out scum on the surface. As such my girlfriend, who has had no such problems in hot tubs before, had a skin reaction after only being in the water for a matter of minutes. In the manual, it states clearly to let the owners know if the filter comes off, which we did. However, instead of trying to rectify the problem they put the filter back in place, only for it to come loose again when the spa was restarted. We also found it slightly unprofessional that we were meant to put the chemicals to clean the tub in ourselves having no expertise in the care of hot tubs. This deeply concerned my girlfriend who is a doctor and well versed in the incubation of diseases in stagnant and unreplaced water. Surely a professional who has been trained (i.e. the hosts) should be responsible for the hygiene and safety of such equipment?"

No response yet, but as I head for a snooze I as always remain hopefull!!

OOoh, oooh, first draft of the book was done too. More on that.....later!! ZZZzzzzzZZZZzzzz...

"The End Of An Era" - November 12th 2007

Well sad news this week, it’s the end of the 2CR FM era. My contract isn’t being renewed for next year. I kind of expected it to be honest, especially after seeing this quarters RAJAR figures where my show was 12% down on last quarter, more than anyone else in the station. I’m not taking full responsibility for this though. As far as I’m concerned if the station had left me more wiggle room to be more creative then it would be a very different story, and it appears I’m not the only one who thinks so which is nice. Lloydie (the guy who’s been the temporary Programme Controller while the other one is on maternity leave) said that I’m clearly a “creative person”, effectively not given the right direction. It’s just the business, the industry and it happens to so many people.

So while I’m not surprised to be leaving, I am a little sad. This has been the best job ever, not just because I got to (occasionally) talk random bollox, but also because of the people. Everyone at 2CR are the nicest bunch to work with. Some crazy, I admit but then that’s probably why I like them so much.

So on the 13th November the GCAP chip comes out and I’m once again a free agent. What that means in terms of actually finding another job I have no idea, though I hope a meeting with someone tomorrow will show something positive.

Onwards and upwards as they say!!

"Who says Democracy doesn't work?" - October 30th 2007

Yes, after plenty of pressure, sorry, canvassing, for young Sarah Maple through myspace, Facebook, emails and direct physical conflict I'm pleased to announce that she WON THE COMPETITION!! To wit, we all say YAAAAAAY!! Seriously though, thanks for your help. From what I gather it was a landslide!

In the world of Steve no podcast this time, but I've put a few more examples of my writing on the WRITERS PAGE. In the land of radio it's all about getting a contract for next year. It's up around Christmas time, as is my tenancy. Obviously it would be nice to know what the hell is going on with my job, cos then I can decide whether to start packing my stuff or treat myself to a flatscreen TV!

"Lets all get arty y'all" - October 11th 2007

OK, first off the new podcast! It's an interview with SARAH MAPLE, a Brighton based artist who's through to the final 4 of the Channel 4/Saatchi Gallery competition known as "4Sensations".
You can find out more on her MYSPACE PAGE and vote for her art as well as watch a short film as seen on Channel 4 HERE. And of course hear her natter away about her prize worthy art on the PODCAST.

Now, I've started a creative writing course a couple of weeks ago, and it's really got me, well.....writing. I've started putting stuff on the WRITERS PAGE, feel free to have a gander!
Aaaaaand I'm done!

"Big Changes Everywhere" - August 30th 2007

So I decided it was about time to make some changes in my life this week, it may have been eased along by a few relationship issues but that's besides the point! Anyway I've decided to try out a book by Paul McKenna called "I Can Change Your Life", I'm sure I'l be letting you know the progress and I'm even more sure it will be leading to some form of writing!
In other news went to see Knocked Up (which may have been a small catalyst for the "Issues" hinted at above) and that was a disapointment. What wasn't disapointing though was todays show (condensed to the new PODCAST for your pleasure!) asking if it's wrong for a grown man to hold hands with his mum. It's really cool at the mo because we're getting more chances to do fun stuff on the station, something I've been wanting for almost 9 months now!

“People of Jumpin’ Jaks give it up for Steve Blanchard from 2CR”…*SFX of Tumbleweeds*!!! – August 17th 2007

OK it wasn’t quite as bad as that, at least not in terms of numbers. But DAMN, our “A-Level Party” at Jumpin’ Jaks was, in my opinion an, unmitigated disaster! And it wasn’t 2CR’s fault!!
We’d been plugging the event like mad every single day for 2 weeks on air, but by the end of the first week we’d shifted no tickets. So in the last few days “Black Thunder Matt” and I thought we could drum up some interest by asking people what they think he should dress up as on the night. That, and along with the other Thunders out offering the free tickets, we ended up shifting close to 2,000 by 3 Thursday afternoon. So in terms of promoting the event 2CR held up their end of the bargain.

But in terms of what we were going to do on the night it was a bit more of a concern; we tried all week to contact the guy from JJ’s who had asked for this, but every time his phone was switched off. And we were ringing him every hour! So our plan to talk to him about what he wanted, what we could do in terms of games and stuff, went out the window and we played it by ear.

The tickets said that the doors opened at 7. Well that was a lie, given that we didn’t get in there to set up until 8 and then they opened the main doors at 9. So we had an hour to set up putting the 2CR banners everywhere we possibly could, get Matt into his costume (the highlight of the event!), and see Crew ’82 (famous for their stint on “Britains Got Talent”, which did them no justice by the way. They were awesome!! Beatboxers y’know!!). But you could tell it was going to be a bad night. Maybe it was the title of this film poster in the men’s that tipped me off!

Anyway, by 10, there were approximately 10 people by the bar, 7 of which were 2CR staff. Everyone seemed resigned to the fact that this wasn’t going to be a crowded event, given that the last one they did at JJ’s was a party for the launch of Big Brother, and there were more 2CR staff that guests for the whole event! By 11pm, around 110 people had walked through the door, so not quite Big Brother-esq but still only around 5% of the tickets we’d shifted. We could have had a few more if the management had listened to Black Thunder Jenny and let a party of 14 get in to the place for free and then pay full price for the drinks, but no, she might as well have been talking to the wall!

With the help of the resident DJ (who, because I can’t remember his name, shall be called) Ian we played a few games like “drink your drink through someone elses sock” and “the one back here first with someone’s underwear wins”…..don’t think that’s what they’re called but you get the idea! We tried to jazz up the crowd as much as we could but for 1 there simply wasn’t enough and 2, they didn’t care! I think we played 3 or 4 games before Jenny, Matt and I went back stage and realised we’d just wasted our time!

Like I say, 2CR did everything they could to promote the event,. And the numbers speak for themselves. Close to 2,000 tickets were shifted. But I think what happened is people heard the phrase “free party”, nabbed the tickets and then realised it was at Jumpin’ Jacks. Now nothing against the establishment itself (though it could do with a damn good cleaning!) but it’s in the wrong place for this type of event on a Thursday night, namely by the sea. So when all the other clubs and pubs (for example Walkabout, which were hosting their own FOAM A-level party, which lets face it sounds much more fun and would be in a place where students would have more than likely spent all day anyway!) are concentrated together in a different part of town (right on the other side!) people will forget about JJ’s and stay where they’re clearly comfortable. And I also have to think that JJ’s can’t be that highly thought of if, for 2 events running, the most they get through the door after heavy radio publicity is 110 people.
It’s embarrassing, and not just on a personal level, but for the station as well. Because even though the event was held at JJ’s, it was 2CR people up there hosting the event. And when the event is as dire as this one it’s the hosts that get the brunt of the blame. And that just isn’t fair!
I sit here embarrassed, and looking forward to getting off my face as the Red Arrows fly over Bournemouth!!

Fun In The Sun and The Other Half On The Podcast - August 14th 2007

Really nice weekend it was here in Bournemouth (not that you'd guess by looking outside at the mo. Someone's playing that bloody Rihanna song again!!) so the folks came down for the day. First time I'd seen them in probably 5 months so it was really nice to catch up.....and win stuffed animals on the Pier game things!

There was also the hilarious moments when we all fell asleep on the beach from drinking too much Pims, them because of where the sun was wwaking up looking like "Two-Face" with the right side golden brown and the left side pastie white. The missus had fallen asleep with shades on so she wke up with bug-like racoon eyes. T'was funny you see!!

Then on Sunday local band The Other Half came in. The idea was to do a live session, and I'd spent all afternoon Friday setting up the mixing desk in Studio 5 only to find out on Sunday morning that something as simple as the speakers were now not working. It was frustrating, it was embarassing, it was a royal pain in the arse! Fortunately a genius known as Alf Lee, who's one of the bands sound engineers came in and kind of figured out a way to record the band. (Find out more about Alf at http://www.sweetpeach.co.uk/)
The band are amazing live, and are doing a load of gigs this year (including Mr. C's in Bournemouth on Thursday 16th August!!). You can find out more on the all new podcast (here's the PODCAST PAGE!!) and then by going to the bands myspace page. Just click on the pic y'all!!

And here's a quick video chat with the guys:
Also if you head over to the FILM-MAKERS page you'll see 3 live sessions from the band!

Bloody NHS!!! - August 10th 2007

Just found out today that my 12-year-old Godson needs a Kidney Transplant. Granted, thousands of people probably hear that news everyday. But what's annoying here is chances are it could have been prevented. A few weeks ago the boy was taken ill. Vomiting, hallucinations, seriously scary stuff for anyone to go through never mind a 12-year-old. Anyway, NHS Direct advised fluids, then if that didn't work call the family doctor. It didn't work so they did call him, and he never came out to even examine him; something which I though all GP's still did! Just advised more fluids then probably went back to watching the golf!

He didn't get better so they called an Ambulance through 999. 10 minutes later the Ambulance Service rang back declaring it as "not serious enough"! (It's worth remembering that the boy lives with his family on a farm slap bang in the middle of the Lincolnshire Countryside, so they wouldn't have been called unless the parents thought it serious!) A paramedic finally came out to examine him (in my opinion a job for the GP) and advised...guess what? "More fluids"!!!
A day later the parents had had enough so they drove him to Grimsby Hospital, and the staff there took one look at him and had him shipped straight to Leeds at 90 mph as he was diagnosed with Kidney Failure. Since there Leeds staff have done the best they could. Naturally he went straight on dialysis and now a week later, transplant is needed. If only that GP had done his proper job in the first place, or the paramedic had realised what he was seeing, maybe the boy wouldn’t be on the waiting list. Or if he would have been it would have probably been a hell of a lot sooner because people would have DONE THEIR JOBS!!!

This isn’t a slate on doctors! I’ve got loads of friends who are medics. The missus is a Junior Doctor, and I see them and the people around them do an amazing job, and frankly a job that I couldn’t do. But there always has to be a couple of complete goons to ruin that!
OK rant over, at least the boy is in the best place!

Right, I’ve been prepping for an interview and live session with a local band called The Other Half (find out more HERE! ) the results of which shall be ending up on the brand new podcast.

"All this new stuff!" - August 7th 2007

So welcome to the new website, hope you like it. It was about time I did a proper .co.uk site as I was running out of room on the last one. Plus I wanted see if I could take up yet more room on Google. It worked by the way!

Anyway the new podcast is up, just collecting some of the fun random stuff that's been going on recently, including proof that Pop star Rihanna is indeed responsible for all that flooding we had in July! Of course you can download for free from the PODCAST PAGE.

More radio news and the plans for a Sunday Breakfast show (tentivly called "The Morning After The Night Before") are jumping forward. I've just got back from a little pub meeting with a few work chums to throw around ideas. We're planning on doing a first attempt at the end of the month.

On the writing front I'm on page 54 of a novel I've been planning on writing for a while now. It's surprising that it's still tricky in places even though the story is semi-auto-biographical. Also you remember the film "MidKnight Rising" (as it was!), the film about a guy who thinks he's a superhero? Well seems that the Media Powers That Be love the idea of doing a light-hearted programme about superhero's so much their making a TV series on it, sadly not from these shores!

From Guardian Online:ITV2 to air superhero sitcomLeigh HolmwoodWednesday August 8, 2007MediaGuardian.co.uk ITV2 has commissioned its first original sitcom, a series about a group of off-duty superheroes.No Heroics, to be made by Vicar of Dibley-producer Tiger Aspect, is part of the digital channel's move into more original programming and less of a reliance on ITV1 entertainment spin-offs.The series will follow the lives of four London-based off-duty superheroes and their struggles in love and with fame - or the lack of it.No Heroics has been created and produced by Drew Pearce, whose credits include ITV2's magazine reality show Deadline, and will be directed by Ben Gregor and executive produced by Sophie Clarke-Jevoise.Commissioned by the ITV2 controller, Zai Bennett, and the ITV editor of comedy, Michaela Hennessey-Vass, the eight-part series is due to go into production early next year for transmission in late 2008.Mr Bennett said: "We're taking real strides forward in comedy and as the channel's first ever original commissioned sitcom, No Heroics will play a huge part in that strategy."This is a perfect ITV2 comedy: it's witty, accessible and laugh-out-loud funny, and is being produced with real passion from a great team."Mr Pearce added: "The superhero genre certainly seems ripe for a very British take on the subject, plus I have about 20 years' worth of comic books that I'm looking forward to finally being able to claim as expenses."

Now it's nothing like the EXPOSE' episode (as "The Film Formerly Known As MidKnight Rising" is now) but it annoying sounds very similar to the concept which my film was loosley based around, namely "Heroes In Their Own Lunchtime" by my good friend Nick Johnstone. It could turn out to be a highly annoying experience!!
Film news and I've been doing some promotional stuff for the radio station, the best one of which was us at the Swanage Carnival doing It's A Knockout. You can view this and loads more at the FILM-MAKERS page.
One more thing, through the joys of Facebook I've discovered BomoCreatives, billed as "a monthly social/business networking club for people who have a “creative” mindset". They have monthly meetings every 3rd Wednesday of this month, so I'm going to one on 15th to see what it's like. If you'd like to know more check out http://www.bomocreative.co.uk/
Think that's everything, Peace out y'all!!!

"A Film Update? Yes, it's a film update!!" - May 28th 2007

Been a while I know. Been busy.....no honest! Anyway, the genius that is MIDKNIGHT RISING is no longer being made by Complete Access TV. Got an interesting email today:

"Hi Steve,
Could you please provide me with your current postal address so that I can formally write to you to terminate our agreement and revert the rights to you.
It is unfortunate that, despite spending a tremendous amount of time, and money, including seed money received from third parties, which I am responsible for, we have been unable to secure sufficient interest to enable the film to proceed. This is not uncommon in the film industry.
Jason is to settle in the USA. I have resigned from the MK Film Commission, and will be spending most of my time working abroad as well.
Good luck with your future projects."

So there you go! Shit happens I know, but now the film is soon to be totally back in my hands. It's just funny! All this week I've been coming up with more story lines for the EXPOSE' series, wondering how I could do it with someone else holding the rights, and now, problem solved!

Friday 13th + 3!!! - April 16th 2007

Eeesh, what a day! You know when you get that feeling where you KNOW it'll be a bad day? I cut my finger open, and my toe (though not both at the same time!), all the bills turned up on the same day and to cap it all I left my tardis money box back at my girlfriends.....ok granted, nothing remotely bad in there. I did get dragged over the coals at work for not mentioning a disclaimer 5 minutes before the next one, but that was just work! And to be honest, hearing that your best friends dad is having more trouble at the hospital puts things a little more in perspective.

That good friend was actually here for the weekend (the details of the adventures can be found in my myspace blog!) but since his visit and our 3 hour trip down memory lane (which had me in stitches!) I've been feeling a tad distant. Maybe it's just the day, maybe it's the fact that discussing celebrating my upcoming 30th birthday dressed as Thundercats has made me think "crapbeans, I'm actually going to be 30!"!! I've recently joined that facebook site, yet another one of those sites that has people talking electronically to people they already know and further proving that the art of conversation is disapearing! Anyway, I've been looking around for people I went to school/college with, and (save for those few who I will always be in touch with because they're great friends!) they're not around. They don't seem to exist! It's almost as if it never happened!!!

God I hope I'm not going to go off on one of those "what does it all mean?" things!! It's just that 30, well it's a big step isn't it! A mile-stone!! I keep being reminded that at my age my parents already had the huge responsibilities of a mortgage, jobs and an annoying kid with curly blonde hair running round with a toy lightsabre in his hand shouting "I want a bakewell cake NOW"!! Sad thing is, asside from the whole curly blonde hair thing, nowt much has changed! (Yes I have a toy lightsabre, and this one makes noises!!) I've got a great woman in my life who wants to marry me, I want to marry her but it's all in my court.....to grow up!! Anyone got any suggestions on how to turn an almost 30 year old kid with a constant desire to eat cake in to a 30 year old man with a larger sense of responsibility??

Rant over, in other news, Travis interview coming soon on the podcast!!

Old Podcasts and fighting the lurgy! - April 8th 2007

So yeah, remember the famed LUKE AND STEVE PODCASTS on myspace? A whole heap of fun from a partner in crime Luke Wallis and myself, where we met up and sprouted random bollox at each other whilst still trying to sound like broadcasting professionals. Well you can now listen to every single episode for free on iTunes. Head on over and have a goosy just by clicking the link below!!
In other news, it's been a busy Easter Weekend. Good Friday the GCAP Broadcasters Holiday Work Time-Table had kicked in. This basically means that every presenter has to work with the exception of the breakfast crew. Same amount of hours, less people. So less people work more hours.....stop rambling!
So yeah, 11-3 I worked, having to go through the "Top 500 Countdown" (I know who the number 1 is and it's a total travesty!!). Luke (another Luke, Journalist Luke) had been puking his guts up not 5 minutes before doing his bullitin, something to do with alcohol and chicken, hence why yours truly rarely drinks and is (almost) a vegetarian!
Then Rob Smith walks in, preparing to work 3-7 and also preparing to regurgitate last nights food, though curiously nothing to do with either alcohol or chicken. I ended up covering for Rob on his shift as well (there's no way I could have let him carry on!) so I ended up doing 8 hours in a row counting down "people's" favourite songs! Then on Saturday, because Rob was still ill I working 7-11 covering his show, fighting a soar throat from a girlfriend who had come down with a cold.....in one of the hottest weeks in the country so far! And then I had to venture over to Bournemouths Castle Point shopping centre to do one of those Black Thunder packages.
As you know I've done a couple of these things before, and no this time I didn't get lost (shocker!!). I thought I'd be bored out of my mind standing around for 3 hours looking like a total goon! Well, I still ended up looking like a goon, but for a different reason. The Black Thunders (dun dunn DAAA!) were there to give out prizes like Easter eggs and an outside dining set as prizes, only it hadn't been planned as certain people would have hoped. So I ended up fixing a mic to the PA kit and busting it Planet Ice style.....for those who don't know I used to be a cheesy DJ at an Ice Rink in Milton Keynes. And it was heaving with people, well, there was probably 50 people there in total, which is 45 more than I saw at any of the others. And then of all things, and with all the people who entered the prize draw to win that outdoor dining set, it went to an 8 year old boy who only wanted an Easter egg. Fun day though.
And good news was, cos I'd swapped with Rob he did my Sunday shift and I got to have a lie in! Good news is he was looking a hell of a lot better!
Tomorrow, interview a film-maker. Wednesday interview Travis. Better write some questions I guess!!
DON'T FORGET, LUKE AND STEVE PODCAST FREE DOWNLOAD ON ITUNES!!!
Podcast
Yeah, mentioned yesterday that I'll be interviewing Travis, the band, on Wednesday 11th April. Now I'd made a decision a couple of days ago to start up the podcast thing again. Used to do some with Luke Wallis back in Mitlon Keynes (check the link!) and to be honest I really miss it. But being in Bournemouth makes it difficult to meet with Mr. Wallis back in MK, so I decided to go solo! There's also the thing that there's so much stuff I want to do on my shows at 2CR but due to it being GCAP'd I don't get that much room to play, so I figured why not. The idea is to interview "up-and-comers", people trying to break in to a certain industry. Got a local film-maker called Cam who's coming in Bank Holiday Monday for a chat, and then Travis Wednesday. Just another excuse to bolster the old ego really!
The plan is to get the podcasts either on a new myspace site which I've already (tentavly) set up, or have them downloadable from iTunes. I've been experimenting with the Luke & Steve Podcasts, iTunes say they're on there but so far haven't found them. So that's the plan!
Ironic... April 4th 2007
So there I am, sat in the studio bustin' some tunes to tha masses,,,,,well, in Bournemouth, and a group email pops up, from a Salkind! Something to do with a speech corner in Milton Keynes. Don't care, don't live there any more.
Then ANOTHER group email, titled "MidKnight Rising update". The "director" is in the US directing another film, as practise for this one, and filming for this one has been reschduled and a 3 picture deal is being kept to.
Why is this ironic? Well I only started this blogging lark again in the last few days, and one of my first rants was about "MidKnight Rising". A few days later there's an "update"! Does this mean people are reading this shite?? Would there have been such a thing without my blog? Or are the Gods Of Ironic Coincidence workjing overtime this month??
Oh yeah, and I'm interviewing Travis on 11th April!!! More news on that later.
FORMER TRAFFIC & TRAVEL GURU GETS MAJORLY LOST ON ROADS OF POOLE - SHOCKER!!! April 2nd 2007
So yes, Saturday (31st March) I'd been asked to do a "Black Thunder Package". For those not familiar with GCAP Media speak, or those who don't have the GCAP chip planted under the skin at the back of your neck, that's where the stations Black Thunder crew aka hard worked under paid lackeys go out to a cerain busniess, play out GCAP music and hassle people with station goodies and promises of standing the chance to win something interesting! In this case, being a well known laminate flooring company, it was vouchers to get some 10 inch vibrators.....made you look. Laminate flooring, natch! They needed a presenter to go along, do a couple of 60 second links back to the station and then bugger off again. They were paying so naturally I accepted!
What WASN'T in the brief was that, due the company demanding 2 Black Thunder jeeps and only one of the crew able to drive, Iwould have to pilot the jeep to the company. It's not hard, it's an automatic jeep, just basically point in the direction you want to go, move the leaver and just drive. That's easy! The hard part is finding where you're supposed to go. Now being the former traffic & travel guru of Milton Keynes, this of course gives me full license to know exactly where I'm going even if others know better. So when one of the BT crew ask me if I know where I'm going and I say "yes", this of course means potential disaster.
I was able to follow the crew for about 5 minutes before getting stuck behind a learner driver on the A34 dual carriageway to Poole, being a complete goon because she couldn't decide which side of the road she wanted to be on, never mind which lane! I lost the other BT jeep but confident that I knew where I was going I proceeded on to the "B&Q Roundabout". I'd been there before, a roundabout next to a B&Q store, just round the corner should be the laminate flooring company we're wanting.
I find the "B&Q Roundabout", where I see a Homebase DIY shop and the obligatory burger van parked on bricks. No B&Q. Oops!!
What happens next is a frantic exchange from me over the phone to the other BT's, demanding to know where the hell they are as, and I'm forced admit this (and not for the first time as the missus would no doubt tell you!) I don't have a f**king clue where I am! I'm driving round random roundabouts, a phone in one hand and occasionally using the other one to not get crushed by the huge PA system I stupidly put on the passenger seat, very wary that I could easily by pulled over by the police for breaking those recent "don't drive and phone" laws!
I end up having to pull over by a roundabout near a Primark store (I think!) and wait for the other BT jeep to come and find me.
Where we go from there I have no idea, though I do know it was no where near where I was headed!!
We arrive at the flooring company at 11:57, we're supposed to be set up and ready for 12 noon, and I feel like a total goon! Thankfully the BT crew, made up of Sarah and another girl who I can't remember the name of (sorry, I do that a lot!!) were really nice and told me not to worry.
So 2 hours of standing around talking to random people and taking the piss out of some poor soul in a huge orange costume (that's a whole other story) and we headed back. This time in a tight convoy, I didn't let them out of my sight! Again I don't have a clue where we went, and it was only when we turned corner on to the stations road that I know where I was!
I've got another one of these Black Thunder Packages on Saturday, at the Castlepoint Shopping Centre in Bournemouth. I've been there a couple of times before so it shouldn't be a problem.....hang on, didn't I say that last Saturday?? ZIKES!!!!!
PS. If any of you think I should have used AA Route Planner, it lies! LIES I TELLS YA!!!!!!!!
There's green turtles on Bournemouth's beaches, nootch!! April 1st 2007
So today is April Fools Day, and due to the nature of my job I am able to abuse my position and tell a minor porkie every once in a while. On Thursday I was sent a press release from Bournemouth Council with their intent to mislead their population to think there was Green Turtles on the beach. So, I put out a tease about half 8 this morning.....Bournemouth just went nuts! There was a huge crowd gathering by the pier, I feel sorry for the woman from the council who had to explain to the gathering masses that while there are turtles on the beach, they're only plastic blow up ones.
Anyway, more interesting than that, midway through the scandolous abuse of our power, there was a call from the Bournemouth Diving Centre or some such organisation, demanding to know where these turtles are as their people were running around like headless chickens getting ready to mount a rescue operation. Tim, our news dude who took the call was left to explain that this was just an April Fools prank. Well they weren't happy to say the least, they just couldn't see the funny side of it. I guess they didn't know what day it is!
When I get the time I'll post some audio of what happened, it's mildly amusing.....
The whole film thing March 30th 2007
So, for those who don't know a few years ago I wrote a script called "We Don't Need Another Superhero". I finished it and thought it would be a good idea to see it made in to a film so handed it over to, certain people who I shall call The Salkinds. (Those of you familiar with the whole Richard Donner Superman II saga will know this doesn't bode well!!)
Anyway, completed the script, changed the name to "MidKnight Rising", meetings were held, castings were made, designs put in place, costumes made.....all this and there was no money. No one was paid a dime for this, and naturally people kicked up a stink. The Salkinds, realising that a revolt could be in the works, drew up contracts for the rights to the story, offering a grand, with further large moneys to be taken once funding was secured. I regret to say I took the money. I now feel this was a mistake.
This was over 9 months, probably a year ago now. And asside from demands for script changes from the Salkinds 3 months ago I have heard nothing more. No news of funding, nothing! The Salkinds have the story rights for another year, if it isn't made (which I doubt it will be!) then they're loosing the best script I (along with my partner is crime Nick Stone) have ever written.
I won't be writing any more towards the script until funding has been secured and I'm at least assured, or have recieved the full money owed to me as is the terms of the contract, but like I say I don't ever expect it to come to that! And to be honest the work I'm doing at the moment there is very little time! I never new things got so busy at radio stations!!
Anyway, I just wanted to get that off my chest. I only remembered about the project last week when I started revamping the website, and I still believe that, as the script was originally, it would have kicked ass! Heck even people I've met, film-makers who've taken their stuff to Cannes and WON have thought it kicked ass, and that the approach I had was the best way!
OK, rant over.....it's party times!!!